Welcome to River City Girls, a vibrant canvas of chaos and colorful chaos, where two high school girls—because why not?—deck it out on the streets of River City to rescue their boyfriends. Spoiler alert: they clearly deserve better. In this beat 'em up extravaganza, the duo dishes out street justice to a parade of increasingly ridiculous foes, while looking good doing it. Buckle up, kids. It's a brawl that’s more fun than a Saturday night pizza party.
At first, choosing between Misako and Kyoko feels a bit like picking a flavor of ice cream. They are nearly identical in terms of abilities—like vanilla and more vanilla—but each brings its own flair. As one delves into River City, a pixelated paradise of nostalgia, players will engage in classic beat 'em up brawling. Smash, brawl, and combo your way through six areas filled with yo-yoing thugs and overdramatic bosses who clearly spent too much time practicing their villain monologues. The combat is refreshingly approachable, with controls as straightforward as an 'are we there yet?' from the backseat. Punch, kick, chain your moves, become the master of combos, and lose all your money in a thrilling escape from the same enemies you just demolished. Yes, you heard right; there’s a shop. Because what would a beat 'em up be without the ability to barter your hard-earned cash for snacks? Defeated enemies drop cash, which can be used in shops for health-restoring food and new abilities, all while your friends at school simultaneously fail to notice that you failed math class again. Multiplayer mode allows a second player to join in, but beware: if one of you dies, you’re faced with the noble task of resurrecting them by kicking their ghost back into their body, which is definitely less romantic than it sounds. Also, remember those good ol' days of going backwards? No, not that regrettable period where you dated your needlessly complicated ex. This game lets you revisit previous locations after overcoming various hurdles, allowing you to replay sections and gather more loot and characters. It’s like having an anniversary dinner where you can actually eat dessert first… and then go back for a second dessert. If you collect enough cash and points, you can recruit fallen enemies to use as cannon fodder—err, I mean allies. Welcome to the complex world of friendship founded on shared trauma.
Graphically speaking, River City Girls is like witnessing a rainbow explode everywhere you look. There’s a delightful charm, made even more fabulous by its pixel art style that screams nostalgic '90s arcade obsession. It's like they crammed all the neon lights from a rave into a 16-bit world, and honestly, who isn't here for a rave? The level design is as sprawling as it is colorful, with each area boasting distinct aesthetics that encourage players to explore while simultaneously making their eyeballs sing in delight. Every character, even the antagonists, is designed to be as outlandish as possible—think of an art style that meets a caffeine rush on a sugar high. Add to that an energetic soundtrack that feels like someone injected a dose of fun into your morning coffee, and you've got an audiovisual treat that’s hard to resist. Forget mood lighting; this game is pure mood elation.
River City Girls is the chaotic, colorful brawler that taps into the nostalgia of retro beat 'em ups while throwing in a hefty dose of humor and charm that teenagers—especially those who are regrettably too old for school yet still scrambling for their next snack—will cherish. It’s got a heartfelt yet zany storyline, engaging combat mechanics, and an art style that resonates with both millennials and Gen Z. If you’ve been looking for a game that's equivalent to an afternoon spent loafing around with friends, dishing out so much sass and justice that it makes your high school drama seem trivial, this is it. Whether you're playing solo or with a buddy, River City Girls delivers laughs, challenges, and a few surprising moments of depth. As far as beat 'em ups go, is it perfect? No, but is it delightful? Absolutely. Grab your controller, summon your inner fighting spirit, and remember: saving your boyfriend is only half the fun—beating up a million bad guys with your best friend is the other half of that equation. This one’s a keeper, folks. Now go save those poor guys who definitely weren’t worth the trouble.