Introduction

Welcome to Criticom, the 90s fighting game that pre-dates that whole 'first-person shooter craze' you think you know. It's like the awkward cousin of Tekken, having gotten lost somewhere in a sci-fi time warp and armed only with a lot of wannabe character designs and a confusing plot revolving around a mysterious crystal artifact. Sit back as we dive deep into this experience that could have been epic, but alas, didn’t quite make the cut.

Gameplay

Criticom dives headfirst into the fighting ring with its unique mechanics. Players brawl it out on a round, elevated platform, which might make you feel like a goldfish in the fishbowl of combat. Matches consist of knocking your opponent out in a single bout with no rounds to keep track of. You’ve got a power meter that sounds cool until you realize it's just busy mocking you as you try to land a punch while your character performs less like a gladiator and more like a toddler trying to walk for the first time. Progression can feel significant as you unlock new moves and bloated appearances, but don’t get your expectations too high because some of those new moves might be so slow that they would make a tortoise blush with embarrassment.

Graphics

Visually, Criticom was praised for its ambitious graphics—back in 1995. The polygonal characters are certainly ahead of their time, and those backgrounds are as striking as your buddy’s mom trying to pose for a selfie. However, a second glance reveals character animations that look more like those awkward home videos everyone tries to forget. The lighting effects pass for impressive, while the frame rate fluctuates like a teenager’s mood during exam season. It's like watching someone dance at a party: there’s potential, but it’s mostly cringeworthy.

Conclusion

Criticom is a neat little slice of nostalgic gaming that didn’t quite stick its landing. With its colorful cast and visually ambitious graphics, it feels like it was on the precipice of something great but decided to roll off instead. Sure, it may serve well for a good laugh or a quick trip down memory lane, but for those seeking a solid fighting experience, you’d likely want to look elsewhere. So, if you’re willing to brave this quirky, albeit flawed, exploration of intergalactic mayhem, grab that dusty copy for a trip through the cosmic cringe of late 90s gaming—just don't forget to bring a friend for that extra layer of amusement!

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