Introduction

Picture it: the year is 2000, the world is stuck in dial-up internet hell, and you just found an inexplicable urge to manage football players instead of the usual practicing your kick-ups in your living room. Enter The FA Premier League Football Manager 2000—a game that lets you live out your dreams of becoming the coach of a top English club, while simultaneously making you question your life choices as you watch your virtual players do... well, anything but score goals.

Gameplay

The gameplay mechanics are as simple as they are frustrating. You create your team (aka pick players solely based on their haircuts), develop tactics, and then sit back...and wait. Like, really wait. Watching paint dry would be more riveting than some of these game sequences where you realize your players are insistent on replicating the local Sunday league standards instead of the Premier League. With non-stop transfers and injuries, managing is like babysitting a bunch of overgrown children. You'll spend more time negotiating contracts than actually watching matches, which is a shame because once the matches start, you realize you have next to nothing to do. You might as well go grab a snack while your players try (and fail) to kick a ball straight.

Graphics

Visuals? Well, let’s just say if you’ve played anything on a PlayStation 4 or 5, you're going to want to gently place your palm over your face. The graphics are low-res enough to double as an impressionist art piece. Player faces may as well be random blobs of color, and in-game menus are reminiscent of the Windows 95 UI—cluttered, complicated, and uncomfortable. The animations during matches look like the players are stuck in a game of charades and haven’t quite figured out whether they're soccer players or interpretive dancers.

Conclusion

The FA Premier League Football Manager 2000 is akin to a rollercoaster where half the ride breaks down, leaving you stuck upside down for hours. It’s a nostalgic gem for those who loved the early 2000s, but the reality is that most modern gamers might be tempted to throw their controllers across the room in fits of frustration. While it may not have the flourish or savvy of today’s managerial sims, it’s a lovely piece of history that offers a quirky and humorous look into the football management craze of yore. So grab a cup of tea, dust off that dusty PS1, and see if you have the managerial chops to lead your team to glorious mediocrity!

See Prices for The FA Premier League Football Manager 2000 on PlayStation on Ebay