Introduction

If you thought Mario Kart was the zenith of kart racing, welcome to the surreal world of Roary the Racing Car, where you'll find out exactly what happens when toddler-level optimism collides with the harsh reality of racing simulations. Buckle up, folks.

Gameplay

Roary the Racing Car is like a delightful sugar rush followed by the least thrilling nap you've ever had-the gameplay revolves around simple racing mechanics that, while engaging for children, leaves adults scratching their heads in bewilderment. Players take on the role of Roary, a bright red racing car that's as enthusiastic as a puppy on espresso. Prepare to zip around tracks that, frankly, might be more fun for toddlers than seasoned gamers. In terms of mechanics, your main goal is to race, but you also have to accomplish tasks, which can include fixing up your car or helping fellow racers out of sticky situations. Completing these tasks might make you feel like an adult having a mid-life crisis in a participation trophy world, as the game encourages sharing and teamwork, which is basically fancy terms for holding hands and singing Kumbaya. Still, there's potential here; while the racing controls feel simplistic, they might entertain the younger crowd for a few hours before they inevitably ask for more glittering sequins and bouncy castles. There are collectible items hidden in the tracks, which you'll pick up like discarded candy wrappers. Each race generally concludes with a cutscene that feels like it's taken straight from an episode of the TV series, providing a comfortable conclusion preserving all that adorable warmth that can only be found in children's media. Can you imagine the excitement of racing and then being treated to a delightful epilogue about cleaning up spills like your mom scolding you after a party? Oh, the joys of early childhood.

Graphics

The graphics in Roary the Racing Car are about as cutting-edge as a 2023 flip phone. If you remember the art style from PBS kids' shows, prepare to be transported back to simpler times. The visuals feature bright primary colors that practically scream 'Look at me! I'm entertaining and completely devoid of nuance!' Cars look like they were designed by children using a combination of crayons and Play-Doh, and the backgrounds have the same level of depth you'd expect from a Lego set. Optimism is at an all-time high; even the racetracks look like they were constructed at a preschool during art class. This isn't quite the beefed-up, adrenaline-fueled realism of Forza or Gran Turismo, but in this whimsical world, who needs that? Who wouldn't prefer a track made of cotton candy and rainbows? All this prescriptive charm and an unyielding sense of innocence might be the right concoction for kids. However, adults looking for striking visuals or advanced graphical systems might be left asking, 'Where is my hyper-realistic tire smoke?' and wondering if these cartoonish images are a bit too straightforward. Spoiler alert: they are.

Conclusion

Roary the Racing Car on Nintendo DS is what happens when you mishmash a racing game aimed at toddlers with the 90s philosophy of 'fun first, realism second.' On paper, the concept is solid: a kid-friendly racing simulation with learning components. In practice, however, it stumbles like a toddler trying to run after an ice cream truck after too many candy vibes. If you have a little one in your life who insists on racing and excitement, this game may indeed light their tiny world on fire. For everyone else, well, it's a glorified episodes of the titular TV series wrapped in a loosely defined racing package. But who knows? You just might enjoy outlandishly cheerful cutscenes and the vague sense of accomplishment that comes from completing menial tasks. Why not give it a spin? Just know, it's as much a real racing simulation as a pogo stick is a spaceship.

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