Introduction

Let’s take a nostalgic trip back to 1988 and put those gaming skills to the test–assuming that your parents didn’t lock up the game console until you finished your homework. In this surprisingly relevant time capsule, you can roll around in a fancy caterpillar-tread self-propelled gun. Yes, you read that correctly. Buckle up, people. We’re about to blast through the history of ‘Assault’ like it’s a Wednesday meme.

Gameplay

Here’s the scoop: you control a magical metal caterpillar tank (okay, maybe not so magical) that has its missions cut out for it. The mission? Destroy the alien enemies of your home planet who, spoiler alert, probably didn’t see this coming. You’ll need a steady trigger finger and some reflexes worthy of a martial arts master after three espressos to dodge the onslaught of enemy projectiles and conquer the 11 stages that await you. Each stage has a variety of terrains including deserts, forests, and base camps that could keep even the most disinterested gamer awake. You’ll find ‘lift zones’ that catapult your tank into the sky for some aerial attacks, giving you a false sense of security—because falling down is very much a thing here.

Graphics

Let’s just say ‘Assault’ has aged like a fine wine… one that has spent a good amount of time in the sunlight. The sprite scaling and rotation techniques were groundbreaking in the late '80s, and they still look decent on the Switch. Nostalgia-bait graphics aside, you’ve got a rather colorful palette of enemies that look like they haphazardly fell off a failed 'Star Wars' set. It's a wild because it’s a wild. The environments have a certain charm reminiscent of older titles, making you feel like a video game archaeologist digging through the relics of yore—except you’re sitting comfortably on your couch eating junk food instead of getting dirty.

Conclusion

In a time when many games are more concerned with microtransactions than actual gameplay, ‘Arcade Archives: Assault’ serves as a reminder of a simpler, more chaotic time. If you enjoy a nostalgic gaming experience that’s exciting without needing a mood ring to interpret the complexities of a story, then saddle up your caterpillar tank. Grab this title on the Switch—it might not be the best date idea, but it’s definitely an entertaining dive into arcade heritage and a fun way to spend a Saturday night while quietly contemplating your life choices. Who knew dodging bullets could be so... therapeutic?

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