Feb 2022
Welcome to the land of Dynasty Warriors 9: Empires, where swords clash, cities fall, and who needs sleep when there’s an empire to build? Seriously, they should put the 'ninja' in 'ninja snacks' at this rate. If you’ve ever had the dream of fighting thousands of enemies in an all-out brawl while subtly hinting that you’d also like to become emperor, then grab your horse and your grappling hook because this ride's about to get bumpy! This time, we’re diving into the most strategic RPG battle of the Three Kingdoms yet—spoiler: it still involves a lot of swinging swords.
The gameplay of Dynasty Warriors 9: Empires takes you on an epic adventure through Ancient China with an open-world twist that just screams "Instagram-worthy scenery!" During your travels, you’ll craft strategies more intricate than your grandma's secret lasagna recipe. If you thought running into battle like a headless chicken was enough, now you can also outmaneuver your foes like a strategic mastermind (because who doesn’t want to feel like Sun Tzu?). With the new Flow Attacks and Trigger Attacks system, you might actually feel like a martial arts prodigy instead of someone just button-mashing their way to glory. Just be forewarned, the enemy AI might be dumber than your favorite party trick (I’m looking at you, “How to Pull a Coin from Behind Someone's Ear” maneuver). But the graphics—hey, at least they can look good while failing, right? The game does a commendable job of sprinkling in stealth mechanics, which first takes you by surprise like that one friend who always breaks the secrets of hide-and-seek. Imagine sneaking into enemy territories, but only if you brought your keychain of distractions: a gong to play mood music, specific food to energize your characters (someone’s treated this like a culinary war simulator), and of course... fish. Yes, fishing. Because who wouldn’t want to loot and fry a fish in between knocking off enemy generals? Don't forget about customizing your hideouts, which lets you flex your inner interior decorator. Coziness meets chaos as you throw together a mix of ancient aesthetics and modern-day swag. But be careful not to spend too much time decorating—your enemies are still out there waiting to ruin your well-crafted feng shui!
When it comes to graphics, Dynasty Warriors 9: Empires shines like a freshly polished sword—glistening and slightly intimidating. The open world is vast and sprawling, which visually resembles a children's drawing of China with all its mountains, rivers, and towns. It’s quite pretty until you realize you've walked in a big circle for the third time because, let’s face it, directional sense is not everyone’s strong suit. The character designs will excite the fans of the franchise, making you feel like a chibi action figure coming to life. However, during intense battles, the frame rates might begin to strangle the experience as they dip more than your grades during midterms. Yes, even the world-threatening generals look like they are doing the cha-cha when a horde of thugs comes at them. Still, it’s colorful and chaotic enough to feel like a carnival of clashes, if carnivals involved a lot of shouting and swords.
In summary, Dynasty Warriors 9: Empires is a fun-filled trip through a historical narrative so tangled it could serve as a Shakespearean play... if you add a few more explosions and less heart. It has its moments of brilliance (like customizing your hideout—who doesn’t want to channel Marie Kondo while slaying hundreds of generals?), yet struggles with an identity crisis of whether it’s a hack-and-slash epic or a rugged strategy game. Will you find joy in crazily smashing through enemies or feel the urge to pull your hair out while grappling with bugs and AI quirks? We say, hoist your banners, gather your warriors, and dive in! It may not be the flawless masterpiece we hoped for, but hey, at least you’ll have fun while playing—even if that fun occasionally leads you to ask, “Did I really just do that?” Now if only we could figure out how to unite an entire realm without losing our sanity first!
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