'Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air' – a title that tells you everything and yet nothing at the same time. This little gem, brought to us by The 3DO Company and exclusively dropped onto our favorite beige console in the year of our Lord 2000, is proof that even plastic soldiers can dream of a grander existence beyond just being stepped on by unsuspecting toddlers. Prepare for a rollercoaster of plastic warfare involving covert missions, betrayal, and more airstrikes than a 90s action movie at a blockbuster rental store.
Now let’s dig into the gameplay, shall we? The campaign offers 15 riveting missions that range from 'intercept that Tan Army vehicle!' to 'escort this guy who probably won’t make it anyway.' Spoiler alert: he's not making it. You play as a daring Green Army soldier navigating this war-torn world – like a brave little unlicensed version of Rambo, but with less impressive facial hair. As you progress, the narrative unfolds with an enthusiastic narrator proclaiming the Green Army's intentions to 'return force with force.' Epic, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to be embroiled in a war where the most valuable assets are tactical toys? Then there's the Boot Camp mode, which is essentially your introductory level designed to bring you up to speed on controls like you're prepping for a major final exam in a class you never took. You'll run through obstacle courses and learn to use weapons – because when you join an army of toy soldiers, clearly survival depends on mastering the art of flinging mini grenades. The multiplayer options include a classic 'capture the flag' affair, which is perfect for those days when you have nothing better to do than chase your friends around your living room like overly aggressive toddlers vying for the last cookie. And let’s not forget about the difficulty levels: Easy, Medium, and Hard. It’s almost as if the developers couldn’t decide how hard it would be to shoot tiny plastic men and just tossed some extra options in there to make us feel better about our choices. Regardless, run-and-gun tactics are the keys to success here. So, if you're like me and terrible at strategy games, you might want to turn that difficulty down a notch or two and just bask in the chaos of tiny explosions and uncooperative camera angles.
Ah, graphics – the bane of many a PlayStation-era title. 'Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air' features what I can only describe as 'unique' textures. The scenery is so gritty that it seems like it's inherited the entire set of a low-budget B-movie – all scattered bits of dirt and faded green paint. The animations are, shall we say, reminiscent of the last time your school computer lab tried to run a multimedia presentation on Windows 98. Yes, my friends, we are treated to a buffet of clipping through objects and soldiers that seem to have forgotten how physics works. They jump like they’ve had one too many servings of caffeine – and, not surprisingly, they don’t always land on their feet. In a world where graphical fidelity has become a key player in modern gaming, plastic toys battling each other was quite clearly not focused on realism. Instead, it leaned heavily into the charmingly low-fi aesthetic of outlandish army men with their bright green versus dull tan conflicts, embodying a nostalgic nod to those childhood battles fought on the living room carpet.
'Army Men: World War - Land, Sea, Air' is ultimately not going to dethrone the big dogs of gaming. If you're looking for deeply engaging character arcs, riveting storytelling, or cutting-edge graphics, you probably missed the point of a game where the main characters are small plastic soldiers. However, it does serve its purpose well: a quirky blast from the past, perfect for a nostalgic weekend binge or for those who want to spice up some gaming night with friends. Overall, I’d rate it a generous 4 out of 10 – because beneath all the chaotic gameplay and less-than-stellar graphics lies a heart as big as a child's imagination, reminding us that sometimes it's not about winning the war; it's about the memories made while playing with little green men.
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