Ah, 'Courier Crisis' – where delivering parcels could easily double as a guide to frustration. Launched for the PlayStation in the glorious year of 1997, a year that also gave us the joy of flip phones and Tamagotchis. One could say the developers aimed too high, but the final product delivers about as much excitement as a soggy cardboard box left out in the rain.
The premise is simple: Race against the clock to deliver various packages. Think of it as 'Crazy Taxi' but with 100% less fun and 200% more crashing into walls. A set number of packages must be delivered within a tight time limit, which means you're constantly pedaling like you've just stolen a neighbor’s bike after a particularly questionable decision to binge-watch a true crime series. You can earn cash to upgrade your bike, but at times it feels like slogging through a treadmill that’s set on ‘torture mode’. It's repetitive but hey, who doesn’t love getting paid to do the same thing over and over again? The voice clips are literally the worst – they repeat with a frequency that would make even a parrot roll its eyes. Want to feel like you’re in Groundhog Day? Grab 'Courier Crisis' and deliver packages while listening to the same dreadful dialogue for a solid hour.
Visually, the game might have been acceptable when it launched – if that launch had happened in 1996. With graphics that edge more towards low-end computer games rather than PlayStation's artistic peak, you wouldn’t be blamed for mistaking a character for a bunch of blocks glued together. The environments are bland, and you'll notice pop-in graphics and draw distance issues that will make navigating feel like an extreme sport. Every turn will have you questioning your life choices as the 'delightful' sights unfold.
All in all, 'Courier Crisis’ is a ride through a world where frustration reigns supreme, and enjoyable experiences are left in the dust. Critics had a field day with this one, and most had to dig deep to find anything good to mention. Scores ranged wildly from a glimmer of hope at an 85% to an abysmal 2.3/10. If you're hunting for a nostalgic trip or perhaps want to witness gaming’s lows, grab a copy. Otherwise, save your time and your sanity, and go deliver real packages; at least there’s a chance for a tip.
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