Welcome to the thrilling dystopia of 'Cyberwar', where players strap on their virtual reality helmets (or, you know, grab the PlayStation controller) and leap into a pixelated world that's roughly as engaging as watching paint dry. Inspired by a movie that no one remembers and installed with about three quarters of a good idea, this game is bound to challenge you. Just not in the way you’d hope!
In 'Cyberwar', you take on the role of Dr. Angelo (congrats on getting a PhD and a gig in this virtual nightmare), sent to put the digital smackdown on Jobe—your not-so-friendly neighborhood cyberspace menace. Now, I don't want to spoil the plot, but you could probably glean that Jobe's not exactly planning a tea party. Get ready for some fun and potentially debilitating challenges, including navigating through virtual tunnels while dodging more objects than you’d find on a 90s kid's baseball field. But here’s the kicker: the gameplay is so punishing that it feels less like a thrilling cyber adventure and more like a game of 'how many times can I hit the restart button before I lose my will to live?' If you happen to fail at any point, be prepared for the dreaded game over screen, which is essentially the digital equivalent of a wedgie in gym class. 'Cyberwar' features not one, not two, but three discs filled with torment! Sounds fun, right? Let's not forget about the puzzles. Imagine complex brain-teasers that require not just wit but also the skills of a seasoned cat burglar and the mental fortitude of a zen master. You'll twist and turn your brain through circuits that make you wonder if you were better off just playing 'Tetris'. Yes, there are puzzles, but don't expect them to make sense, and don't be surprised if you find yourself questioning your IQ halfway through. It's like the developers thought, "Hey, let’s add puzzles that make the player ponder the futility of existence while they control a digital brainiac fighting for his life in VR!" Well, mission accomplished, chaps. And did I mention the levels? Each feels like it was designed by someone who never stopped reading instruction manuals for Dungeons & Dragons. There’s a variety of objectives, such as fabricating a coherent strategy to navigate those aforementioned tunnels, but good luck figuring out any of them without some serious trial and error—or a digital cheat sheet if you prefer to not lose years from your life expectancy in pure frustration. It’s the kind of challenge that definitely tests your patience.
Back in the day, we thought those funky 256-color graphics were the cat's pajamas. Now, they look like a poorly made college project designed to evoke feelings of nostalgia while simultaneously making you cringe. Remember those early TV shows with their fuzzy quality? Yeah, picture that but strapped into a VR headset. That's 'Cyberwar' for you! The graphics scream late 90s amateur, with polygons that seem to have clashed in an epic battle for dominance over aesthetics. Spoiler alert: they all lost. If you were hoping for lush landscapes and immersive worlds, you might want to lower your expectations…like way down to the floor. It’s essentially a pixelated version of someone’s fever dream. It’s sad really; even the soundtrack can't save the visuals here.
'Cyberwar' is truly a paradox of a gaming experience. It challenges players in a static world filled with dated graphics, frustrating challenges, and a premise more confusing than your average 'Inception' plot. It requires skill—so much skill, in fact, that by the end, you might find yourself questioning whether you can even operate a microwave, let alone defeat a digital nemesis. Sure, if you enjoy getting your serotonin levels battered and bruised, this may be your jam. For most, however, 'Cyberwar' will serve better as a reminder of how far gaming has come and a cautionary tale against trusting adaptations from the late 90s. If you want to dust off those old controllers and dive into some truly excruciating retro action, 'Cyberwar' awaits—with the requisite amount of serious digital penance. Grab a drink, sit back, and prepare for a wild ride you hoped to avoid but somehow can't resist… or maybe just read the plot online instead.
Another SquareThought Site